After the colossal failure that was last week’s episode, Lost Girl continues to struggle with a follow-up episode that – while entertaining – is also mind-blowingly inept.
Let’s bitch it out…At this point in the season, I’m watching Lost Girl simply to see the second season through to its completion. I can’t honestly say that I’m finding a lot to enjoy in the series any more. ‘Lachlan’s Gambit’ demonstrates some of the inherent possibilities of the show, but there’s so much that’s wrong with it that it frequently reinforces to me just how much of a “miss” the vast majority of this second season has been.
Apparently the day that the war begins has arrived (Side Note: tonight’s Lost Girl drinking game involves taking a shot each time someone mentions they’re at war). It’s unclear when the war truly began and the rationale for bringing forth the good fight on this particular day is…arbitrary, but okay, let’s go with it. Dyson (Kris Holden-Ried) has returned from his sabbatical and he’s spent some time roasting his pecs in front of an open fire so as to get in touch base with the wolf spirit. His shirtless fire conversation is either a process of self-discovery (involving shrooms possibly?) or it’s a late-night ad for one of those really hot phone sex lines. Either way, despite the fact that the wolf spirit doesn’t really say so, Dyson decides that he is the champion who will defeat the Garuda (Raoul Trujillo).
Who? Oh right, that villain that we’ve spent so much time talking about but haven’t seen in weeks (2×13 ‘Barometz. Trick. Pressure‘ to be exact). His name has been tossed around a lot, but physically he’s been MIA – unless you count Dead Nadia and her spying eyes. Since the show can’t be bothered to do that until 7:33 minutes into the episode, though, let’s not bother to either. Moving on, let’s celebrate the return of a fan favourite instead. Welcome…Ciara (Lina Roessler)?! Who the hell invited this b*tch back? Apparently she’s back to join their cause, even though it’s pretty clear that she’s simply there as a body for Lost Girl to sacrifice to the gods of anti-climatic battle. The writing is on the wall for Dyson’s former lovah as soon as she gets freaky sexy with him (like who-the-h*ll-wears-thigh-high-leather-boots-during-sexytime freaky sexy). I mean, she might as well hang up her leather ensemble for a red shirt because girlfriend has “Casualty of War” (drink!) written all over. I’d apologize for the spoilery picture in the lead, but let’s be honest: she was clearly the only character who was even remotely likely to die and it’s not like we’ll miss her or her strangely Kim Cattrall-like face, right?
Now Ciara’s not the only extraneous S2 body sent packing in this episode. The titular character, Lachlan (Vincent Walsh) sacrifices his sole remaining head to…well I’m not even sure what his plan was. It seems to involve luring the Garuda back to the compound by sending all five of his guards to fight with our crew of misfit champions (good job anticipating a similarly stupid plotpoint from The Dark Knight Rises, Lost Girl!). This inane move leaves The Ash completely exposed to the Garuda’s attack, or whatever we want to call what happens after the evil-because-of-his-greasy-hair-ed villain saunters into the compound unopposed. In one of the most tragically hilarious fight scenes I’ve seen in quite some time, the two men circle each other – fangs and fiery sword bared. Then Lachlan makes a single pathetic lunge, is side-swiped and decapitated…all in the space of approximately ten seconds. Well that certainly explains why Lachlan lost his brothers’ three other heads! Yo bro: your venom may be the only thing that can kill the Garuda, but your fighting skills wouldn’t even inspire fear in a girl scout!
Apparently this is all part of the plan, however, since the Garuda will now “think he’s already won” (just as psychic-phone-sex-operator-wolf-spirit-fire-lady foretold). Plus with The Ash gone, this gives Trick (Rick Howland) a chance to pull out his awesome daggers and toss ’em on the ground (Side Note: are those the same daggers Ciara had stashed in her freaky sex time boots? Don’t put it past, Trick, because you know that guy is getting down. He’s a barkeep!) Anyways, so Trick pulls out his pair of daggers and – in a completely badass move – he tosses them on the ground! Oh snap! Yeah, Trick – make the ground hurt real bad! Thank goodness Molely is there to save your butt, Blood King – just as we knew he would be (why else would the stinky disreputable character who owes Trick a favour be introduced in the cold open, amirite?) Ugh…lazy writing: line two.
- Is anyone else amused by the ease with which Cleasby (Greg Bryk), the head Berserker and a fairly recognizable character actor, is dispatched? Dyson basically punches him in the face during his big wolf-out fight sequence and the guy dies. I’d say it’s the worst fight scene, but it essentially just anticipates Lachlan’s big “move”. Perhaps the Lost Girl fight coordinator was off shooting a movie this week and this is all they could come up with on short notice?
- Did anyone else laugh when Dyson cried over Ciara’s death? Psst – you didn’t love her, man. That’s why you dumped her art-dealing a*s and she disappeared for half of the season. She was returned because they needed someone to die in order to make this battle seem more like a big deal (and they couldn’t afford to kill a legitimately important character!)
- I’m beyond over Bo (Anna Silk) doing her pouty “I don’t want to be a hero” thing. The idea that she goes along with Dyson’s suicidally narcissistic plan toattack the Garuda (with no plan) is beyond incomprehensible. It’s on the same “whaaa?” level as her grief (?) when she sees that The Ash has been killed. I love that she is more upset by this jack-hole’s death than she is about the woman she brutally killed last week. Oh wait, Nadia was possessed by the Garuda so that makes her a casualty of war or something, right? (drink!)
- Not everything sucked, however: Kenzi’s (Ksenia Solo) continued dedicated to Dyson provides some nice continuity, and Bo’s reassurance that Kenzi is not a liability (let’s be honest, though: she totally is. An awesome one, but a liability nonetheless)
- Also nice? Dr. Hotpant’s (to borrow the term from AfterEllen’s Dorothy Snarker) seemingly legitimate distress about Nadia’s death. From eyeballing the blood stain on the floor (call the movers ASAP because that sh*t is not coming out!), to propositioning Bo for sex and then cuddling (no take-backs!) to nearly escaping the Fae world completely, it’s nice to see someone fall apart about someone dying, even if the character herself doesn’t really merit the grief
- So Hale (KC Collins) is essentially Trick’s lackey? When did that happen? Also, when did Trick become an extra on 24 / Battlestar: Galactica? I’m all for suspending civil liberties in times of war (drink!) – p.s. I’m not actually – but burning someone’s face with a magnifying glass projector thing? That’s what sociopathic kids do to ants, man! Don’t be that guy, Trick!
- Finally, I enjoyed the Garuda’s assessment of each individual while they patiently stood in line waiting to attack him. Should this war (drink!) thing not work out for him, the Garuda could always get a job dressing-down minions and other little people like an evil Fae version of Gordon Ramsay. It would probably end up on Bravo with the Real Housewives franchises, but would necessitate a hair cut. That greasy mop had got to go!
- Lauren (propositioning Bo): “Can I sleep with you?” Two seconds later: “Just to sleep.” What’s the female version of a c*cktease?
- Bo (when Kenzi crowds her after she tells her to stay close): “Maybe not that close”
- Lachlan (preparing to battle the Garuda): “This may be my final head, but all it takes is one bite.” Flashforward two seconds to Lachlan’s blood, headless corpse on the floor. Oh unintentional comedy!
So that was…whatever that was. I guess parts of it was entertaining? So yay?
What did you think of the episode: did anyone actually think that they might defeat the Garuda (with two remaining episodes in the season)? Did you enjoy the Garuda’s dressing down of our crew? Did you revel with glee at bada*s Trick and his Jack Bauer torture techniques? Are you dying with anticipation to learn whether Lachlan’s venom coagulates (nooooo!) and his “gambit” turns out to be in vain (double noooo!). Hit the comments and sound off.
Lost Girl airs on Fridays at 10pm EST on Syfy