Now that’s what I’m talking about! As Ringer cruises towards its conclusion, the writers finally figure out that the show works best as a ludicrous melodrama and they pile on the gimmicks: a suicide attempt, a body in the freezer, and a cliffhanger. Plus: the world’s most honest maid staff. Oh my!
Let’s bitch it out…
In the immortal words of Stefan from SNL, this episode has it all.
It’s all about Catherine (Andrea Roth) as she executes her not-so master plan to kill off Siobhan (Sarah Michelle Gellar) aka Bridget in disguise. The amount of deception Catherine is capable of, seemingly knows no bounds, so it’s no surprise that she a) attempts to off herself in the opening teaser and then b) uses it as an opportunity to get herself invited into the Martin household where she promptly (like within a few hours) poisons Bridget. My favourite part of this whole storyline in this episode is how everyone knows that Catherine is cray-cray, but they all make excuses for her behaviour. Last week: let’s pull a long con on her to the tune of $10 million. This week: We feel bad for her, let’s take her in like a stray dog.
It’s clear that Andrew (Ioan Gruffudd) is uncomfortable with having Catherine around. After Juliet (Zoey Deutch) learns that her mother might be institutionalized for her own protection, Juliet asks Andrew if he thinks Catherine is crazy. His answer: he doesn’t “know how to answer that” (Translation: Yes). As usual, Juliet is by far the most gullible to Catherine’s plots, though this should come as no surprise considering she did agree to go along with the whole fake Wild Things plan a few episodes ago. You’d think that a character that utters a titular line as fantastic as tonight’s would be a little more critical. Especially when Catherine says that she knew Andrew would find her after her suicide attempt and she wanted him to “live with the guilt of causing it.” If ever a statement screamed “crazy bitch” to me, it’s this one (I’ll even go so far as to say sick bitch, even though it’s probably not politically correct).
And so we’re left with Bridget poisoned by some bad tea and Catherine standing over her like we’re watching some old-timey thriller (or should I say What Lies Beneath considering next week’s preview?). The events that led up to this are surprisingly obvious in hindsight: we knew last week that Catherine was responsible for the hit on Bridget as Shiv in the pilot, so this week is just about filling in the pieces. Catherine gave a picture of Siobhan to Barton, the body Machado (Nestor Carbonnell) found buried. Barton used the “hit man broker” / dry cleaner Osterman (Breaking Bad’s Jonathan Banks) (he of the Tarot cards – and what a disappointing use for them after all). Osterman then hired a professional hit man – the man Bridget shot, killed and stuffed in the trunk in the pilot. That guy shows up in a fridge in tonight’s episode, along with the aforementioned picture, which has Catherine’s fingerprints on it.
In the most unintentionally comedic scene of the evening, Machado’s computer sloooooowly downloads Catherine’s mug shot (Side Note: Is Machado’s computer stolen from the set of Lost? Because that thing must be ancient if it honestly takes that long to open a picture! Hello dial-up!) But it’s too late! Catherine unplugs the home phone and swipes Bridget’s cellphone, so Bridget is unaware of the danger. As the boring twin passes out, Catherine’s incriminating cellphone – which ties her to the hitman – falls under the couch.
And there’s lots of other fun stuff happening tonight. The case against Henry (Kristopher Polaha) gets worse after last week’s questioning. Turns out that not only did Tim Arbogast (Gregory Harrison) figure out that Henry was working with small-head, big-body Tyler before his death, but he also calls child-protective services to take away the devil children. It’s all payback for Henry cheating on Big Red (remember her?!), which Tim figures out after hiring a P.I. (though apparently the P.I. failed to realize that the real Siobhan is in town?). On top of losing his evil children, Henry is charged with Tyler’s death when the maid from the hotel shows up as a witness! Then Siobhan makes it worse by trying to pay her off and the maid tells on her! Most honest maid ever!!!
This leads into this week’s almost encounter between sisters when Bridget shows up at Henry’s after being questioned by police about her role in Tyler’s death. At least this week when Bridget nearly happens upon Siobhan it’s not a freaking dream sequence like last week. The staging when Henry arrives home, however, is fantastic: Bridget is just about to discover Siobhan, while the prego twin symbolically holds a miniature replica of the Eiffel Tower above her head like she’s about to brain her sister. Too funny! But seriously, enough of the teases. At this point it’s obvious that the reunion is being held as a cliffhanger for the finale, but if we’re being honest, that will provide us with no resolution because at this point the show is most definitely going to be cancelled.
- A few mentions of Forever Lila (Jaime Murray), including Bridget’s Scooby-Doo stock footage slideshow of suspects with access to the apartment, and therefore the hitman’s cellphone. Alas, no actual in-person appearances. With two episodes left, I doubt we’ll see her again unless the show miraculously returns for a second season.
- Ditto Malcolm (Mike Colter). He’s not even mentioned. So we’re basically just watching rich white people pay to kill each other. Side Note: Do you realize how many of these people have killed someone at this point? Bridget, Henry, and Siobhan have all killed. Half of our cast are murderers!
- Siobhan is now orca pregnant. I’m talking the size of a house. Not only am I unsure if this makes sense for the timeline of the show (again, how much time has passed?) but it has seriously decreased her mobility. When Siobhan came back to NY, I thought we would have more Parent Trap style shenanigans. Gotta say: this whole pregnancy part of her storyline has been a narrative dud – it hasn’t really contributed anything besides tying Henry to her, and these last few episodes it hasn’t even done that.
- Favourite Henry moment: Asking Siobhan “where does it end?” and when she says she only wants him and not revenge, he tells her too late. What is this, Sweet Valley High? It’s been late to be changing your mind as you accidentally murder some guy.
- I know that this is a CW show, but is Catherine staying in the same hospital room that Bridget stayed in after she lost the baby and Tessa after she was attacked? This is either the smallest hospital ever or they’re reusing the same set ever. At least move the furniture around or something!
So that is that! We’re down to two episodes, and while the show has done a good job of tying up a lot of early plot, I’m getting concerned that there’s a great deal that might not be addressed (especially since next week appears to be all about dealing with Catherine). What burning questions do you want to see answered? Will we ever see Malcolm or Olivia again? And do you think anyone’s gonna bite it? Sound off below!
Ringer airs Tuesdays at 9pm EST on The CW