Courtesy of ABC

After it’s Olympic break, Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. returns to rescue Skye (Chloe Bennet) as she clings to life from her gunshot wounds.

Let’s bitch it out…A few quick thoughts on the show’s return, which does a few things right and a lot of things wrong . Here’s a quick rundown:

The Good

• Bill Paxton: Agent John Garrett is a bit of fresh air because he seems like less of an idiot than our regular team members. It’s nice to introduce a character with this much personality, even if I did keep expecting him to turn out to be a villain.
• Melinda May (Ming-Na Wen) punching Ian Quinn (David Conrad) in the face repeatedly: Make me a GIF of this. That guy – I’m sorry to say – has such a punchable face. It’s a delight to see him pummeled.

The Meh:

• Coulson’s (Clark Gregg) secret is out: I’m glad everyone on the team knows about the details of his miraculous resurrection. Can we please never speak of it again now?
• Potential sparks between Simmons (Elizabeth Henstridge) and Agent Triplett (B.J. Britt): I’m not sure I totally get it (he basically gets turned on watching her resuscitate Skye a dozen times. Hot). With that said, this show could do with some new characters, including (yeah I’m going to say it) characters of colour.

The Bad

• The super hokey reference to the team being Skye’s family. I get that this is Disney/ABC at 8pm, but can we please leave the cheese to Once Upon A Time?
• The “small penis” fight between Ward (Brett Dalton) and Agent Triplett: Like seriously, what is the point of this? Did someone in the editing suite realize that ten minutes of dialogue had passed and gave a note suggesting a fight be introduced?
• Reopening the “Tahiti” storyline: Oh lord, did anyone really want to revisit what happened to Coulson? I thought we were done with this crap?!
• Alpha and Beta: Who are the guys guarding the facility and why did it seem like we would get to know them when they end up simply being red shirts?
• In the T.A.H.I.T.I. room, Coulson finds a legless Engineer from Prometheus hooked up to tubes of the ridiculously titled GH-325. Apparently this terrifies him enough to act like a zombie and want to prevent Skye from getting dosed. Umm, quoi? This bit made no sense. Also: alien from Prometheus. Why was he there?
• The atrociously unnecessary FX: Look at the planes coupling! Look at this fancy hologram used to visualize a web search by Fitz (Iain De Castecker) and Simmons! Look at this terrible faux explosion that would have engulfed the stupid jet in flames! It’s like someone’s trying to prove that the show can still do these big budget episodes, but packing all of your FX budget into shots of the dumb plane isn’t going to win anyone over.
• The damn acronym titles. Stop it. Just stop! S.T.O.P!

I sound super down on the episode, but in reality it just feels safe. There was never any danger of Skye dying and the whole episode feels like an excuse to re-open Coulson’s secret, which I can honestly say that I have no interest in revisiting. On the plus side, we got new and interesting characters (who are all but guaranteed to return) and a decent, if unspectacular, adventure. Throw this one firmly on the “decent” pile and hope for something more from next week’s Thor inspired outing.

What are your thoughts?

Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. airs Tuesdays at 8pm EST on ABC